Late Wednesday I asked Jon “if you could give me a gift..any gift what would it be. I wasn’t ready for the reply.
He told me he’d give me a healthy body. He told me he would want to take it all away and give me health and I was stunned silent. Two days later and I’m still stunned.
I’ve had this petite not quit a gem of a body for 56 years now and while I don’t appreciate its lack of functionality at times I still love being petite. It is who I am. I love my blue eyes and my once curly hair. I don’t like the PXE that has made life hard. No I don’t like that at all.
I’ve made the comment before that if I could see normally I’d want to play tennis. That would be first on my list of items to do. That is just a thought and a desire but when I think of things in terms of my entire life changing I have cause to rethink. Doesn’t everyone want health?
About two weeks ago my family found out my younger brother might be facing some serious heart surgery. He, like me this past year, had to come to terms with his own mortality. It changes you and causes you to rethink who you are and what you do with your life. Things that didn’t seem needful take on a new view. In this past year the things that really matter to me have changed.
As much as I would like health I’m going to decline the gift. It isn’t that I’m not moved by the thought it is that it would change some things. I think of one of the most powerful “Generation” episodes of Star Trek and the lesson that it teaches.
In the episode Jean-Luc has yet another encounter with Q. He comes to understand that the lives we live are due to the choices we make. We walk the paths we walk because what we either do fail to grasp and do. I may not like the hassles that my lack of a healthy functioning body brings to my life but without it I lack the knowledge and power that its lessons have taught me.
Instead of pontificating on all the lessons I’ve learned and I could do just that I’d like to ask you each a question. Would you change your life? Would you alter it so radically that the lessons you have learned now would change? Who would you be if you weren’t this you? How does thinking about this alter who you are going forward? Why would you make the changes? What would your reasoning be?
The offer of the gift has made me look at me and understand that I’m OK with the mess of my disability. I’m more accepting of it than I thought I was. I like me. I may not always be happy with life but I like my life lessons and m glad I’ve had them to shape who I am.
I will return to the gift of health. It is a good thing to ponder and revisit because it has made me think about my life in new and better ways.
In asking the question I found a gift. This gift is that I like being Gail. I like somethings about being who I am with the disabilities that I had not thought I was that happy with. Thanks Jon.